According to a Stanford report, nearly 70% of heterosexual unmarried couples break up within the first year. Why is conflict within marriages creating a rift enough to end in separation?
Conflict is an inevitable part of any romantic, familial, or professional relationship. It has long been an opinion of psychological research that says the argument is suitable for a relationship. This means conflict needn’t be a negative part of a relationship. Relationship conflict resolution can be constructive, strengthening individual bonds and fostering deeper connections and mutual respect.
Understanding Relationship Conflict
Conflicts in a relationship arise from differences in opinions, values, needs, or expectations. Recognizing that differences are a natural aspect of any relationship and can contribute to its success is crucial. However, despite the disagreements, the conflict does not end a relationship. It is how couples deal with each other when having issues that create problems. How you deal with your partner in a disagreement or even a heated debate determines the health of your relationship. The key to dealing with conflict in a relationship is approaching a dispute with an open mind and viewing it as an opportunity to know more about your partner.
Here are some tips on resolving relationship conflicts that need not end in dislike or hatred.
Effective Communication
Good communication is the foundation of conflict resolution. Communication helps people express their thoughts and feelings and listen to their partners. When a disagreement arises, the trick is not to get angry or enraged but to calmly listen to the point of view of your partner. Express your perspective gently using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
Remember, active listening gives your full attention to your partner, avoiding interruptions and validating their feelings. This helps build mutual respect, setting the stage for collaborative problem-solving.
Don’t Blame Your Partner
In any conflict, there is always the urge to blame each other for endless problems. Nothing good comes out of it because it only widens the rift and escalates the conflict. A blame game forces people to go on the defensive and adopt a stance of aggression and retaliation. Instead, responding with statements starting with “I feel frustrated the sink hasn’t been repaired yet” results in better communication. This honors your partner’s feelings, who feels respected, inviting an equal response of respect and acknowledgement.
Timing Matters
Always choose the right time and place to address conflicts. Avoid discussing sensitive issues when one or both of you are stressed, tired, or in a hurry. Instead, choose a calm and private setting where you can focus on the conversation without external distractions. This goes for both partners, who should never bring up an issue when someone returns home tired from work. The last thing they want is an argument. Choosing the right time ensures that both parties are emotionally available and receptive to finding a resolution.
Stay Open-Minded
A flexible and patient mindset is vital in resolving conflict and increases the chances of a peaceful resolution. When you are rigid in your point of view, you fail to understand the valid issues of your partner’s concerns. In relationship conflicts, ego needs to be set aside and replaced by objectivity, with partners considering both sides of the coin without bias. Doing so opens a door for constructive and reasonable discussion, increasing the opportunity to understand each other’s viewpoints.
Practice Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another by walking in their shoes. Try to see the situation from your partner’s perspective when conflicts arise. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but understanding their emotions and motivations can go a long way in finding common ground. Expressing empathy helps create a sense of connection and reduces defensiveness.
Treat Your Partner with Respect
One thing that partners must consistently show each other is respect, without exception. Respect can be demonstrated even in conflicts where words degrade a person and can be avoided. Nothing is more hurtful than verbal attacks against a person’s inabilities or self-esteem. Hence, respecting and setting boundaries, even if an argument is heated, paves the way for future reconciliation. Disrespect shuts down communication and creates wounds that might never heal. In any conflict, both partners should exert the utmost effort to treat each other respectfully and as a person of worth.
Compromise, Don’t Compete
In a relationship conflict, competition creates a broader rift, with both partners trying to go on with each other. Compromise is the key to settling arguments by finding a middle ground. Shifting the mindset from winning or losing to compromise involves each person giving a little to reach a solution that benefits both. This requires flexibility and a willingness to let go of rigid positions. Remember, a successful resolution respects both individuals’ needs and concerns.
Don’t Sweep It Under the Rug
Conflict in relationships just cannot be avoided, but what can be avoided is the urge to bottle up or keep the resentment and disappointments under wraps. Relationships after the wooing stage become a reality where earlier expectations might not be met. A relationship isn’t something where people are explosively happy with each other.
Individuals will always have habits, conflicting opinions, or a different way of doing things compared to a partner. In such a scenario, it is never good to suppress issues to avoid confrontation because these fester and escalate. Suppressing issues drives people further apart; the ideal thing to do is talk about it one-on-one. Discuss and agree to mutually beneficial outcomes, and even if that isn’t possible, arrange to sit down and discuss things later.
Establish Clear Expectations, and Define Boundaries
Conflicts often arise when expectations are not met. Today’s most significant relationship problem is the grand expectations of happiness and perfection exhibited during the wooing stage. People do not understand that things seem perfect when you’re in love, but in a relationship, everything changes because you must bear up with one another.
During the romance, you don’t need to live with someone, which means never being subjected to their personal opinions and habits at home. Living with each other makes that a reality, which is when the level of expectation takes a beating. Be realistic and have clear-cut expectations of each other as human beings rather than someone out of a fairy tale. Life isn’t Snow White and Prince Charming. It is about two humans with good and bad habits. Be transparent with each other, and take the bad with the good. Be on the same page and always try to find interest in one another. That would be enough to neutralize the negativity of the bad.
Practice Forgiveness
Resentment and harboring a grudge harm your mental health. Letting go of resentment and learning to forgive is a virtue powerful enough to mend relationship conflicts. Holding onto grudges and resentment only poisons the relationship over time. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and forgiveness is a gift you give yourself as much as your partner. It allows both individuals to move forward, leaving the past behind and creating space for growth.
Remember, conflict in relationships is natural, but how it is managed determines the overall health and longevity of the connection. Employing a constructive relationship strategy tempered by compassion and respect will help couples navigate the challenges for a more fulfilling and happy relationship.
