Financial abuse in marriage is a common form of domestic abuse that forces its victims into a vicious cycle of dependency and manipulation. A form of financial bullying, it is a miserable situation where a victim is forced to abide by financial restrictions, impractical demands to reduce purchases, and neglect of their own self personal expenses. Failure to abide by these rules and demands leads to paying the price of constant reprimands, gaslighting and guilt trips.
What is Financial Abuse in Marriage?
Financial abuse is a typical scenario in manipulative and toxic marriages. It is when one partner assumes complete control of the other’s finances to prevent them from leaving, voicing their opinion, or exerting power in the relationship. In most cases, the financial control is extended to the combined finances of the couple, including household expenses.
Various Tactics of a Financial Abuser
- A victim is made to feel inadequate
- A victim is made to feel financially incompetent
- Blamed for out of budget expense
- Discouraged from personal expense
- Gaslighting to validate accusations
- Present false data
- Withholding information
- Falsifying expenses
Signs of Financial Abuse
Also called financial bullying, such signs of financial abuse are usually exhibited later in marriage to ensure the complete dependency of the victim. It could even extend beyond marriage into divorce, where the abuser may fail to pay child support. Here are the most common signs of financial abuse to look out for in a marriage.
Subtle Signs in The Early Years of Marriage
A potential financial abuser will display subtle signs of financial manipulation early in the marriage. These could be comments like how you might have paid too much for a pair of shoes or repeated questions on personal purchases. A financial abuser might also make repeated statements on the negative state of their finances and how expenses might be spiraling out of control.
Control of Finances
Graduating from just talking about finances, a financial abuser soon assumes complete control of all aspects of the household finances. This control may manifest in restricting the other’s access to bank accounts, withholding financial information, or making unilateral decisions about spending and saving. Financial control can leave the victim feeling disempowered and financially dependent.
Denial of Access to Money
A financial abuser will attempt to isolate their victim financially by withholding access to financial resources such as credit cards, bank statements, bank accounts, property documents, healthcare expenses, transport and sometimes even food. This is a viciously abusive way of making sure a victim has no option but to be dependent on the abuser for even basic needs.
Giving an Allowance
Giving a spouse an allowance in a marriage is derogatory and a clear sign of financial abuse. A partner is not a teenager or child needing an allowance; they are the other half of the relationship and need equal access and opinion over everyday finances. Moreover, if the partner is a working one, they possess the right to their earnings and how they want to spend it. Giving an allowance also reeks of hypocrisy, where the abused partner is given a restricted source of income. In contrast, the abuser enjoys the right to spend money on whatever they feel like, be it leisure activities, clothes, or personal care.
Hidden Assets and Debts
A classic act of a financial abuser is to hide their debt status and assets while frequently distorting a financial situation. In most cases, it will always be portrayed as a negative one due to the inefficiency of the victim to control their finances or earn enough money. This eventually has long-term consequences, especially during divorce proceedings, where the victim may be unaware of the actual financial situation.
Demanding Repayment
It is ridiculous for a partner to ask another for reimbursement of funds. A relationship and a household incur an expense, which is the combined responsibility of both partners. Asking one for repayment is not just absurd but reeks of financial abuse.
Employment Restrictions
A financially abusive partner will go to any lengths to cut off all resources of their victims, which extends to not allowing them to work outside. Being unable to leave the house or pursue your career might become a hazardous situation. This usually occurs in the case of abusive husbands who will make their wives feel guilty about working citing how important it is for a wife to stay at home.
Encouraging Debt
A financial abuser will encourage a partner to take out loans or even use their credit cards, sometimes without their consent. They will manipulate their victim to sign loan agreements, citing their inability to do so. This burdens the victim with financial debt, creating a scenario of having to depend on the abuser to manage the finances.
Financial Manipulation to Sustain an Addiction
Research has found how people addicted to alcohol, gambling, or substances end up as manipulators or financial abusers, forcing their partners to finance the addiction. This could even end up ugly with domestic violence if their demands are not met.
How To Deal with Financial Abuse
Dealing with a financial abuser might seem complicated, but what it requires is an attitude of firmness and awareness of issues that aren’t working in your best interest. Here are some ways to deal with financial abuse in marriage.
Financial Education
It isn’t necessary to have an MBA in finance to know how to manage your finances. Basic financial management skills and awareness of the finances of your household are enough to know whether you are being manipulated or not. Financial abuse is more common when one partner is financially educated, and one is not. Stay vigilant about financial matters. Regularly review bank statements, credit reports, and financial documents together. Seek legal advice if there are suspicions of financial deception.
Freeze Your Credit
Today, every aspect of finance can be controlled on your cellphone. An abuser with access to your credit or debit cards and permission to take loans in your name can be stopped by freezing your credit. Freezing or restricting your credit while gaining access to credit reports will prevent abuse of your money while informing you if bills have been really paid or not.
Self-Care
Financial abuse is like any kind of abuse which results in anxiety, depression, and stress. Focus on yourself and your mental health by setting boundaries and getting adequate rest, exercise, and nutrition to help you better manage your situation with a stronger disposition.
Find Support
Cultivate a robust support system outside the marriage. Please share your experiences with trusted friends and family and seek their guidance and assistance when needed. You could also consider seeing a psychotherapist to help you with the mental stability and guide you with options on how to remedy or get you out of this situation.
Seek Professional help
While a psychotherapist can help you with your mental health, a financial planner and a lawyer can help you manage your finances and explore legal options to safeguard you in this situation. Financial abuse could make you fall into debt, which might become your liability in the event of separation. Legal and professional financial advice could prevent an ugly future situation.
Understand Financial Abuse Tactics.
Recognize coercive tactics and resist manipulation. Look for patterns in your abuser’s behavior and preempt situations where they may try to coerce you into a negative situation. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals to break free from the cycle of control.
Couples Counseling
Sometimes, a husband or wife may end up being a financial abuser without wanting to. This could be due to addiction or compulsive spending issues, in which case counselling could help. Suppose the abusive partner acknowledges their behavior and expresses a genuine wish to make amends and set things right. In that case, marital counselling and consulting a financial planner might just improve the situation and the relationship.
Financial abuse can trap a victim in a mentally draining situation where they might feel they have no option but to succumb due to dependency on the abuser. Being aware of the signs of financial abuse and knowing the options to fix them will undoubtedly help a victim realize they do not have to put up with the toxic environment. Remember, if you are a victim of financial abuse, then professional mental and legal help can quickly release you from your predicament.
